I am really sorry I have been neglecting this blog, and I am through letting every excuse stand. The following is a cross-post from my regular blog, but felt it was important here for sharing my feelings and thoughts. Hopefully this is the kick-start I need here and elsewhere, for getting myself rolling again – pun intended.
I am just going to have to admit it and get it over with. *sigh* I am just not feeling Christmas this year.
I’ve done everything I can think of to “get into the spirit” of Christmas, but it simply isn’t happening. This year I went to people’s wish lists and Christmas lists on Amazon and picked from there the gifts I purchased. I haven’t gone out to one single store this year nor even tried to get “that perfect gift”, not even for The Husband.
Normally I would have Christmas music filling the house and as soon as someone came in the house I’d be offering them hot chocolate and Christmas cookies of some sort. I haven’t even asked for Christmas cookies this year from the grocery and I have only drunk one cup of hot chocolate so far.
There is a part of me reasoning out why the Christmas spirit isn’t present. The reasoning is as follows:
- I haven’t been able to get out independently for a while now, so I’ve just gotten used to staying in the house and not going out, so therefore not seeing any Christmas decorations in the stores or anything.
- A lot has happened to me over the recent weeks and I am still recovering in part.
- Energy levels are fluctuating radically for me due to arthritis flares and migraines (thankfully the migraines are less than the arthritis flares – it is just the time of year for arthritis flares).
- No one around me is in the Christmas spirit or mood.
However, the inability to get out independently has been taken care of because Sniffles and Cheyenne have had a porch put on the front of the house and a ramp! I’ve used the ramp. I can get out. Why don’t I? Why haven’t I been getting out the moment I was able to do so? There isn’t a desire to get outside and go places. And, yes, a lot has happened with me over the past few weeks, even months, but When has something not happened to me? I am an arthritic. I have been an arthritic my entire life, why on earth would it begin getting to me now? Plus, it has never bothered me people aren’t in a Christmas spirit before. I worked hard to help them get into the Christmas spirit, and I usually always succeed. This year I haven’t even tried, or attempted to get anyone in the Christmas mood, including ME.
Besides, it isn’t anyone else’s job to get me into the Christmas spirit of things. As I’ve written here nearly every year, Christmas is usually a time of hope and new beginnings for me. This year there isn’t any of this for me. I actually feel empty. I wish I knew what would fill the emptiness because I’d work on getting it all filled up.
One thing I know I am going to begin doing: I am going to Church. I am going to schedule a ride on WHEELS and I am going to Church. I haven’t been in so long. I am also going to get another Bible and another copy of The Ascetical Homilies of Saint Isaac the Syrian. After Christmas, of course, because I’ve asked repeatedly for a Bible.
I actually need to have a physical copy of the Holy Bible. I have continued reading it on my Nook, tablet, and now my husband’s tablet (more about the use of The Husband’s tablet later). Even though I know I brought Saint Isaac with me when we moved into here, I can’t find the book! Everyone in the house has been helping me look for it and no one can find it! It has vanished and I feel like I’ve lost a very important mentor in my life and faith.
I am pretty sure this phase will pass. I am hoping it will all be gone by the time Old Christmas rolls around. *sigh*